Letting go…

Letting go can be the hardest thing in the world for a control freak. Who is the control freak, you ask? Ok, I know you didn’t actually ask because you probably already know I am talking about myself. I am so bad, I hate surprises, I hate the unknown… anything that takes away my control over a situation.

Today I was reading this blog post by a guy with great spiritual energy that I came across on Twitter. This part in particular really spoke to me:

“When I give permission to the others in my my life to be authentically who they are without judgement or¬†needing to control or change them, it is like giving water to to someone dieing of thirst.”

Reading on, the idea is that you accept people as they are and let go of the need to control or change them. As I read, I come to see that letting go sets me free. Really, the water that I are giving is to myself. The love and acceptance fills my thirsty heart.

There are a few relationships in my life that I have tried to control… to make into my own idealized version of reality. One in particular. I know I made this person out to be something that they truly are not. And I am learning to accept who this person truly is. I am learning to let go of that dream that I created, because it wasn’t real. I am learning that this person’s authentic self doesn’t make this person a bad person. They are simply different from what my controlling instinct thought they should be. And that is ok. That is real. I take this person and my hurt and regret and disappointment and dreams… and I pull them into a bundle in my heart… and a take a breath… and I let them go.

That space in my heart where all of that was can only be filled with love. I accept and love this person for what they truly are and I will learn accept their rightful place in my life, even if that is out of my life. I say learn on that one because I am not there yet. That’s part of the journey… but I am on my way.